What Could It Hurt?
by reluctantpartner
Summary: There was more to the Greed Island Castle party than what we saw, I mean, Gon lost a hand and Killua didn't say anything? Yeah, right. (OR I am not ready for the Chimera Ant Arc so here is some fluff and angst to make me feel better. Please, I just want my children to be happy.) Fem!Gon. Female Gon Freecs. Genderbend. KilluGon. YinYang Pairing.
_"If your eyes meet, you're friends!"_

Killua smiled leisurely at the memory, almost rolling his eyes at what a Gon thing to say it was. Of course, it would be that simple for her. After all, he was her best friend in the world (her quote, not his), ex-assassin status and all. Well, she was technically his first friend _and_ first best friend. He had been shocked to find out that he was her first friend who was the same age; the island she grew up on apparently didn't have a lot of children. He wondered if maybe there was more to that than coincidence. Something like fate or whatever.

'Nah,' he scoffed, shaking his head, 'that's stupid.'

They, meaning Gon, Bisky, and himself, sat at the head table in Greed Island Castle. The whole town and the players still in the game had been invited to celebrate the completion, _their_ completion of Greed Island. Killua was pretty proud of that, and he didn't mind in the slightest that Gon had technically won the final prize. She deserved it. He was still shocked that she had done so well in the ending quiz.

Bisky had already indulged herself with a couple or two dozen of glasses wine and was attempting to lead a group of party goers in karaoke. They were actually doing a decent job for being completely smashed. That left Gon and him alone, in the relative privacy that large, loud parties provided.

Gon turned and met his eyes with an eager grin, pink staining her tan cheeks to a dusky rose as she laughed. She had been speaking prior to that, but he hadn't heard a word, too lost in his own thoughts.

He hummed his agreement with a small smile, hoping that it was the right response. It was and she grinned even wider, something in her eyes shifted as she stared at him, making them _shine_.

They were each other's firsts for a lot of things.

He ducked his head and looked away when his mind went down that particular path, doing his best to appear casual as he hid his burning face. Being best friends was already almost too much, being anything _more_ than that was not permitted. She would be better off without him in that respect. His stomach twisted and he swallowed hard.

"Ne, Killua, what are you thinking?" Her voice sounded curious, slightly edged with concern, but he didn't look at her face to make sure. His usually quick-thinking mind blanked at her question and he scrambled to find a decent answer.

"I still can't believe you lost your hand in that fight with Genthru. What were you thinking? What if we hadn't gotten the Breath of Archangel?!" He had been meaning to confront her about that, but later. As it was, in his rush to find a topic he spoke a little too harshly and she flinched.

Gon had the decency to look slightly remorseful even as she stared stubbornly at him. "I didn't want to win without knowing if I could really beat him. I needed to know."

He frowned, replying obstinately, "You couldn't beat him, he was stronger than you!"

"Mou, I know! But you know what I mean!" She protested, clenching both of her perfectly healed fists on the table.

He did know, but that still didn't make him feel any better about it. If she had followed the plan, she would have been fine, but it would have been a hollow victory for her. When he came up with it, he knew she wouldn't be entirely happy with it but it would have kept her safe.

True, Genthru was stronger than her (for now) but she had already known that, instead the battle had been that of wills and her will had been stronger. He only wished she didn't have to lose any limbs to prove it.

Killua sighed as if she was the most trying person he had ever come across. "Okay, okay, I get it. Just… Next time, try to be a little more careful," he said, muttering the last part.

Gon smiled like the sun and he felt his stomach twist for an entirely different reason than before. Damn, he needed a distraction, looking at her when she was like that was messing with his resolve. Unbidden, an image of his brother, Illumi, flashed in his mind, his dark eyes staring, unblinking, unending. His brother did not like Gon as it was. He couldn't imagine what he would do if he found out the true depth of Killua's feelings.

"I'm going to get something to drink," he said, getting up abruptly. The table was full of pitchers of water and wine, but he needed something sweeter to counteract the bitterness in his mouth.

"Mmn," Gon acknowledged, sipping happily from her own large goblet.

Taking his time, he headed to the other side of the large banquet hall and found some fruit juice, a mix of strawberry and another tangy fruit, along with some thick chocolate cake. Sufficiently supplied with sugar and calm enough to maintain eye contact, Killua returned to the table to find Gon staring unsteadily at a nearby marble column and giggling.

Lifting an eyebrow, he tilted his head to get a better look at her face. Her blush from earlier had grown, it spread out in a feverish fashion that combined with her silly grin made it seem like- He stilled in realization. Quickly setting down his plate and cup, he sniffed the goblet Gon had been nursing earlier. It was near empty but smell of alcohol was unmistakable.

"Gon," he started, both scolding and soothing, taking a seat next to her, "did you know that you were drinking wine?"

Her head dipped and her body swayed as she stared at him, squinting as if trying to focus. "I'm drinking grape juice. That's what Bisky said. It's grape-ish smelling, sorta, and kinda funny tasting at first."

'Well, she isn't wrong. Wine is fermented grape juice,' Killua admitted in his mind. Verbally, he replied, "Ah, I don't think that she meant you should drink it."

Gon's eyes began to water and her breathing quickened as her face crumpled.

"W-what?! What's wrong, I mean, it's okay! I'm not upset you drank it, not really," he said hurriedly, panic setting in as that only seemed to add fuel to the fire.

"Killua-a," she just about cried, grabbing his hands. "I'm sorry I hurt your h-hands, I'm so _stupid_ and selfish, and I knew you were hurt! I _knew_ but I just really wanted to win. I'm always asking so much of you and you never complain. I don't deserve to be your best friend! And- and I even lost my hand, too!"

Gon sucked in a sharp breath and let out a wet sigh, gazing thoughtfully at their join hands. "Maybe I secretly hate hands."

Despite being frozen in his seat, Killua felt a burst of laughter escape his throat. She glanced up shyly at that and began to giggle as well until they were both clutching each other for support.

"You are stupid," he admonished once he caught his breath. "If I didn't want to do those things, I wouldn't have done them. I'm your friend because I want to be your friend and I'll complain when I want to complain. But you're right about losing your hand, that was selfish."

Gon took her reprimand in willing silence, nodding along with his words. He punched her shoulder jokingly when she didn't reply back, "Ne, don't act so meek, it takes the fun out of it."

She rocked in place after the light tap and then slumped back against his shoulder, her head falling close enough that her warm, wine-sweet breath washed over his neck.

"Ah. She's asleep." He told himself reassuringly, trying to act as if his blush hadn't returned in full force and his voice wasn't a few octaves higher.

Had her eyelashes always been this long?

'Focus, Killua,' he thought to himself, sternly. 'Remember your rule. Just friends.'

It was hard to focus on anything however when she was pressed so vulnerably against him. She really did trust him, didn't she? His eyes softened and he hesitantly wrapped an arm around her shoulder to steady her. Just to steady her, he told himself, nothing more. Even so, he felt his resolve weakening as her body heat seeped through his clothing, as if rays of sunshine were emanating from her skin.

'Just one night,' he promised, cursing himself for being so weak but not regretting a single second of it.

For just one night, he could imagine that maybe they could be more than best friends. Gon sighed in her sleep, grasping lightly onto his shirt with one hand and he gently let his head rest against hers, closing his eyes.

It couldn't hurt, right?


End file.
